


Before I Dive Right Into You

by thealpacalypse



Category: Druck | SKAM (Germany)
Genre: Alcohol, F/F, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Friendship, Pet Names, Romance, Sharing a Bed, Swearing, probably shouldn't read if you care about Winterberg in any way, wlw
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-21
Updated: 2019-05-07
Packaged: 2019-09-24 10:02:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 9,496
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17098520
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thealpacalypse/pseuds/thealpacalypse
Summary: Axel doesn't believe that Mia is a lesbian, and well, she isn't, but as long as that creep is hitting on her, it's kind of convenient to go with that label - especially since Mia doesn't care so much about labels anyway. But now she needs a fake girlfriend, someone who will help her make it more convincing, because all she wants is for Axel to leave her and her friends alone... the only problem is that Amira, amazing friend and true bicon, isn't up for the task because she's pursuing true romance.So the only option left is for Mia to ask Hanna - and that's a disaster waiting to happen.





	1. "not into the concept of faking anything for a guy"

**Author's Note:**

> **IMPORTANT:** I'm currently not working on this fic and am uncertain if I will finish it. 
> 
> [Someone on tumblr suggested a fake dating rom com](https://evakviggmohn.tumblr.com/post/181302662685/okay-damage-control-strategy-mia-starts-fake) where Mia starts fake dating a girl to get rid of Axel - and because I have zero impulse control, here we are. 
> 
> I have no idea where this is gonna go, just that I want to update it parallelly to the clips we're getting, kind of as an alternative s2 where I use parts of the canon that make for some good wlw content, and completely ignore the stuff that I hate (a promise: no one in this fic will ever be blackmailed or forced into a date, i'm aiming for some good and wholesome content here).
> 
> Just a fair warning: if you like Axhell, you're not gonna get happy with this fic.
> 
> To the rest of you: Enjoy! <3
> 
> edit: I changed the title of this fic from "Where's The Harm In That?" to "Before I Dive Right Into You", which is a lyric from Ed Sheeran's "Dive". I hope this doesn't cause too much confusion, sorry about that, but I came up with the previous title in a rush and it really didn't work well with what I had in mind.

“He did WHAT?!” Amira yells.

 

Mia shrugs, then realizes that Amira can’t see her through the phone. “Yeah, he immediately agreed to break up with her, he didn’t even pretend to care about her or anything.”

 

“Yeah, I got that part,” Amira huffs into the phone. “I just can’t believe that he asked you out at the same time. I mean, I knew he was a fuckboy, but that? Wow, that’s just super gross.”

 

Mia sighs. She’s glad she can talk to her friend about this; Amira would always be on her side, and it’s a relief to know that. But also… “I fucked up, Amira,” she says. “I shouldn’t have interfered. I went behind Kiki’s back, and now her boyfriend wants to date me. Fuck.”

 

Amira breathes in sharply, then says, “Uh yeah, you definitely fucked up. I think you should talk to Kiki.”

 

“I will.” Mia sighs again. “I texted her a couple times but I couldn’t reach her, she’s probably way hungover from last night.” She runs a hand through her hair nervously. Thinking about this whole situation makes her feel kind of sick, as if she were hungover herself, even though she barely drank any alcohol the night before.

 

“Oh Mia,” Amira says.

 

Mia shrugs again, feeling helpless. “What am I supposed to do now? With Axel I mean?”

 

Amira ‘hmm’s. “Well, first of all, I think you gotta let Kiki know how little he cares about her. It’s brutal, I guess, but it’s better she learns it that way, right? And with him, ugh, I don’t know. Doesn’t he think you’re a lesbian?”

 

“He thinks I lied,” Mia mumbles. “Even though I never even said I’m a lesbian. Fuck, I wish I wasn’t bi.”

 

“Boo,” Amira snarls. “Don’t leave me alone in team bi! Just because some asshole can’t handle rejection doesn’t mean you should have to deny your sexuality.”

 

Mia knows that Amira is right, of course she does. “Yeah, sorry...” She sighs, rubbing her forehead. She feels a headache coming along. But then a wild thought crosses her mind, probably a completely mislead one, but hey, maybe this situation calls for drastic measures. “Amira, hey, can’t you just pretend to be my girlfriend? Just for a bit, until the asshole gets it and leaves me alone?”

 

Amira bursts out in laughter. “Are you serious?”

 

And yeah, it is ridiculous, Mia knows that, but now that she’s said it out loud, it makes more and more sense to her. Surely it would get Axel off her back, right?

 

“Please?” she asks. “Just for a few weeks or so. I mean, him dragging Kiki into this already proves that he would stop at nothing, but if he thinks I’m 100% gay and in a commited relationship, even he will have to give up eventually, right?”

 

Amira isn’t laughing anymore, but she still sounds amused when she says, “Well, first of all, I’m not into the concept of faking anything for a guy, so, sorry but nope. And secondly...” She pauses, and suddenly Mia thinks that Amira sounds nervous.

 

“What is it?” she asks as softly as possible, because hey, she has never seen or heard Amira nervous before, so she isn’t sure how to handle it.

 

Amira takes a deep breath before she finally answers, “Uhh, secondly, I think I couldn’t fake date you because I might actually start dating Sam, for real.”

 

Now it’s Mia’s turn to yell. “WHAT?!” Though this time, it’s because she’s completely thrilled. “How did that happen? Tell me everything!”

 

Mia can almost hear Amira grin through the phone when she explains, “Well, it’s not like anything has happened yet, but Sam was really drunk last night, and kinda clingy, and she uhh, said a few things that sounded worth exploring.” Mia tries hard to hold back an excited squeak because she doesn’t want to interrupt Amira. “Anyway, we decided to wait until Sam was sober again before we’re going to properly talk about it, you know? So I’m heading over to her place tonight, and… we’ll see what happens.”

 

Now Mia does squeak. “I can’t believe it! That’s so fucking cute, oh my God!”

 

“I know.” Amira sounds smug, but also incredibly happy. Mia thinks that her friend deserves this happiness. Both her friends do, obviously, Sam as well. Mia didn’t know so far that Sam was into girls as well, but now that she thinks about it, she isn’t that surprised. After all, queer people tend to find each other, and Sam has never been one to care about norms and rules much, especially not when it comes to sexuality, so, yeah, it makes sense.

 

“Anyway,” Amira finally continues, after they both giggled and squealed for a while about this new development in their squad. “Seems like you have to find another girlfriend.” Suddenly, there’s a hint of mischief in her voice. “Hey, I know who you should ask.”

 

“Amira, no.”

 

Amira giggles again. “Hanna.”

 

“Amira, _no_ ,” Mia repeats. That’s the worst idea.

 

“Why not?”

 

“You know why not,” Mia sighs. She knows she has never been subtle enough about her huge crush on Hanna, and even though Hanna never made a big deal out of it, Mia is sure that them pretending to be girlfriends just wouldn’t work. On so many levels.

 

Amira huffs. “All I’m saying is, she’d probably do it. It’s for a good cause, right? Also, Alexander already saw you kiss her, so wouldn’t it make sense if he would think you’re dating?”

  
It makes a terrifying amount of sense when Amira puts it that way.

 

Mia groans. “I’m so screwed.”


	2. “I could be your fake girlfriend!”

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> At their Christmas party, Mia is trying to fix her friendship with Kiki, but it's not that simple. Also, Amira is proving herself to be either the best or the worst wing-woman ever (Mia can't decide which one).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **IMPORTANT:** I'm currently not working on this fic and am uncertain if I will finish it. 
> 
> Updating alongside the new clips, here's the next chapter! Like I said, I took some creative freedom with it and only kept the parts that suited me and the story I want to tell here - this might get more canon divergent as the time continues, depending on where the clips and my fic take us, but for now, I'm sticking pretty close to the actual events.
> 
> A trigger warning: There's some mentions of eating disorders in this chapter. I'm not an expert on those, so if I get anything wrong, or if I even seem insensitive with that subject, I apologize, and I will gladly change anything about that.
> 
> For now though, enjoy! And merry Christmas if you celebrate it!

Kiki doesn’t talk to Mia anymore.

 

It’s the result of Mia coming clean to her about texting Axel the night before - “Stop calling him that, that’s not his name!” - and showing Kiki the whole conversation, including the part where Axel was absolutely ready to dump Kiki.

 

Mia can’t really blame Kiki for that reaction; she knew before that going behind Kiki’s back like that wasn’t cool. It’s just that she’s so damn worried about her friend, and she’s sure that all this drama is probably not helping with Kiki’s mental state and eating habits.

 

Kiki isn’t there yet when Mia arrives ten minutes late (damn her printer and the last-minute gift voucher she had to make for Kiki’s present) to Hanna’s place for their little Christmas party. “She’s on her way,” Sam tells them. “Apparently, she had to finish her jogging route.”

 

Amira raises an eyebrow. “But aren’t we going on a long walk now anyway? Why does she need to go jogging before that?” she asks. Sam just shrugs.

 

Mia feels close to tears. “Fuck,” she says. “I just wanted to help her and now I’ve made everything worse.” Then she buries her face in her hands. She doesn’t know what to do. A few years back, when she herself was battling bulimia, what really helped her was being confronted about it by a close friend – it felt good to see that somebody actually cared if she ate or not, and this kind of support helped her to eventually reach out and get help. But just because it worked like that for her doesn’t mean she should have assumed it would work for Kiki as well.

 

Hanna puts an arm around Mia’s shoulder. “Don’t worry,” Hanna says softly. “She’ll come around eventually, I’m sure.”

 

Hanna means well, but it doesn’t really make Mia feel better.

 

Kiki arrives ten minutes later, greeting everyone with a hug, except for Mia – she just gives Mia a cautious look and a quiet “Hi.” It’s better than nothing, Mia supposes, smiles at Kiki as widely as she can, and says, “Hey Kiki. I’m glad you’re here.” Kiki doesn’t look at her any more, but nods.

 

“So, are we going on a walk now or what?” Sam asks, definitely trying to lighten the mood. It helps.

 

It’s warmer than it should be this close to Christmas and the sky is grey, but they all still manage to somehow get into a festive mood. Hanna’s neighbourhood is nice for a winter walk like this: lots of old houses with huge gardens, lots of trees, not too many cars. Sam has started singing “Jingle Bells” at some point, and because it’s funny and they feel like it, they all join in.

 

Sam and Amira are walking next to each other, much closer than necessary, and ever so often, Mia notices how their hands brush against each other, and how Amira and Sam exchange secret smiles whenever it happens.

 

And Mia wants to point this out to the other two, but for one, she wants to give those two a little privacy, and secondly, Hanna and Kiki are deep in conversation and Mia doesn’t want to interrupt. So she keeps to herself, takes in the neighbourhood around them, takes deep breaths, and tries not to feel miserable. She’s spending Christmas with her friends, and even though things aren’t perfect, she’s still pretty damn thankful. It definitely beats the alternatives.

 

They get back to Hanna’s place two hours later, chilled to the bones and chattering, and right away, Hanna retreats into the kitchen to make them some mulled wine and prepare the stollen, while Sam and Amira take over the couch.

 

It leaves Mia with Kiki, awkwardly standing in the doorway between the living room and the hallway, and Mia wishes she knew what to say to fix this whole mess she made.

 

“Listen, Kiki,” she starts, but Kiki interrupts her.

 

“No, you listen,” she says. “I’m not ready to forgive you yet or whatever, and I’m really not sure I even want to, but I really don’t want to talk about this right now, especially not with you. Can you at least respect that?”

 

Mia’s heart sinks. She nods slowly, staring at her feet.

 

“Good,” Kiki says, somehow already sounding less harsh. She exhales deeply, then continues, “because you know, it’s Christmas, and I’m not here to start some shit. This isn’t over, but let’s just… not think about it today, okay? I just want to have a good time with my friends.”

 

It makes Mia feel a little lighter. “Okay,” she says. “Me, too.” She manages to raise her head and give Kiki a smile and is relieved to see Kiki smiling back.

 

Right in that moment, Hanna yells from the kitchen, “The mulled wine is done, my dears!”

 

They’re all sitting around the table, eating stollen, drinking mulled wine and punch and tea, and they’re laughing and giggling about silly things, and finally, Mia really begins to relax and enjoy herself.

 

Secret Santa is a hilarious mess – Hanna gets a plush toy camel that’s immediately dubbed “Carmen 2.0”, and everybody bursts into giggles when Hanna tries to explain that she can, in fact, get an orgasm and doesn’t need to defile a poor, helpless toy for that. Hanna herself got Amira a badass nail polish in dark red. Sam gets an actual, proper burger from Amira, which is apparently based on an inside joke that only the two of them understand.

 

When it’s Kiki’s turn and she gives Mia an expensive looking lipstick, Mia’s first instinct is to refuse it. Her own gift for Kiki is really shabby, mostly because she was too preoccupied with her worries about her friend to remember the gift exchange, and also, they all agreed to not get anything more expensive than 10 € for each other, and this lipstick is definitely worth more.

 

But when Mia tries to protest, Kiki actually shakes her head and smiles. “I know, I know, but I couldn’t help myself. It will look so good on you!” Even when Mia tries some more, Kiki keeps on insisting, saying that she already bought it a while ago and it’s too late to return it anyway. It makes Mia exhale in relief, because apparently, even after everything that happened, her friendship with Kiki doesn’t seem beyond fixing.

 

She puts on the lipstick, and it’s amazing. Sam instantly takes a picture of her and shows her, and it turns out that Kiki was right – the colour suits her incredibly well, and it makes Mia feel badass.

 

Then it’s her turn to hand Kiki her gift, and Kiki opens the envelope and reads the text on the gift voucher.

 

“Cool, thanks,” Kiki says, seeming a bit disappointed.

 

Mia gets that. While the others are inspecting the voucher, she leans over to Kiki and quietly says, “We can make a whole shopping day out of it. Just you and me, or we can take the whole squad along, whichever you want, yeah?”

 

Kiki nods.

 

Then suddenly, her phone on the table starts to vibrate. Mia can read the caller ID on the screen before Kiki grabs the phone. “A.” it reads. Axel.

 

“Uh, just give me a moment, I’ll be back in a bit,” Kiki says, gets up, grabs her jacket and leaves the house.

 

They’re all quiet for a moment. It’s a weird sort of tension – they all know by now that Mia interfered and asked Axel to break up with Kiki, and they all let Mia know that they thought it was a shitty thing to do. But they also know how ready Axel was to give up Kiki just like that, and that Kiki got into a fight with Axel over it. No one is really sure what to say.

 

It’s Amira who finally breaks the silence. “Ugh,” she groans, “I can’t believe that guy is ruining our amazing afternoon. Straight white men are far too powerful.”

 

“Amen, sister!” Sam says, leaning to the side to bump her shoulder against Amira’s.

 

It’s an innocent enough gesture, but Mia is paying close attention. She’s looking for any signs to figure out what’s actually happening between her two friends – not that either of them is giving her any details, they seem to enjoy being secretive about the whole thing.

 

Amira’s facial expression changes from annoyed to soft within milliseconds, and she smiles at Sam. Mia thinks that’s a good sign.

 

Through the living room window, Mia can see Kiki standing in the garden, pressing her phone against her ear and wrapping an arm around her chest. Kiki looks tense, she seems to do most of the talking, and she looks really agitated to Mia. Mia forces herself to look away because she feels like she’s prying.

 

“Didn’t they break up?” It’s Hanna who asks it, but yes, that’s what Mia thought, too. They both look at Sam, who is the most likely to know the whole story, but Sam just shrugs.

 

“I mean, it seemed like it. When I talked to Kiki about it, she told me she was done with him.”

 

Hanna looks confused. “Then why is he calling?”

 

Mia snorts. “Maybe because he can’t take no for an answer?” It kind of slips out before she even thinks about it, but whatever. It’s not wrong.

 

Amira sighs loudly. “I think it’s about time that we get that fuckwad out of all our lives.”

 

Mia couldn’t agree more. “Let’s just hope he stays away from me,” she says and shudders. “That would break Kiki’s heart.”

 

“Speaking of,” Amira says, suddenly with a glint of mischief in her eye, “how is the search for the fake girlfriend going?”

 

“Fake girlfriend?” both Sam and Hanna ask at the same time. It’s kind of a relief to know that Amira hasn’t told either of them about Mia’s silly idea yet. But then again… she just did. Ugh.

 

And Amira actually leans back in her chair, grinning, letting Mia answer the question.

 

“Umm, well...” Mia mumbles, trying hard not to blush. She is suddenly very aware of Hanna right next to her, their legs touching under the table. “You know how Axel thinks I’m a lesbian?” Sam and Hanna nod. “Well, now he thinks I only pretended to be one.”

 

“And?” Sam pushes.

 

Mia sighs. “Well, I thought if I could pretend like I’m dating someone, he might leave me alone. But I’m not really sure who to ask. It’s too weird anyway.” It doesn’t escape her that Amira raises her eyebrows and throws a quick glance towards Hanna while Mia is decidedly trying not to look at Hanna.

 

“Oh wow,” Sam grins. “Girl, you’re not messing around.”

 

Mia manages a weak smile, but it freezes in place when she suddenly feels Hanna’s arm around her shoulder.

 

“I could be your fake girlfriend,” Hanna says. As if it was the easiest, most logical thing in the world.

 

“What?” Mia says, even though she heard every word. Doesn’t mean that she’s able to process the information though.

 

“Yeah,” Hanna simply says and pulls Mia a little closer, until Mia’s back is rested against Hanna’s shoulder. “I mean, he already saw us making out, so it would make sense, right?”

 

Mia feels like she’s about to combust, but Amira across the table from her beams at them widely. “That’s what I said!” she exclaims cheerfully, and she exchanges an excited look with Sam.

 

“Oh?” Hanna says.

 

Mia is so glad that Hanna can’t see her face in their current position. Her cheeks are burning. “You don’t have to,” she mumbles and nervously pulls her sweater sleeves over her hands.

 

“But think about it!” Hanna says, and she sounds very excited all of a sudden. “He thinks we’re dating, so he leaves you alone, so Kiki won’t get hurt any more. AND maybe Jonas will finally stop being weird around me if he thinks I’ve moved on, so it’d be a win / win / win situation!”

 

Why does it always make so much sense when other people talk about it? Mia still thinks that this idea is terrible, _terrible_ – but she somehow forgets why that is. “Okay,” she says quietly and bites her lip. She is going to regret this so much.

 

“Okay?” Hanna asks, as if she really wants to make sure that Mia is alright with this. As if Mia is the one doing her a favour.

 

Mia looks up. Hanna’s face is right above hers, with Hanna’s hair tickling her forehead. And Hanna smiles down at her, and Mia forgets how to breathe for a second, because this already feels way too realistic, and she can see so many of Hanna’s freckles from here.

 

“Okay,” she says again, sounding almost out of breath.

 

Hanna’s face lights up, revealing her adorable dimples. Mia tries hard not to get lost in the sight.

 

And then Hanna kisses her forehead and ruffles her hair, and Mia’s heart stops for a second.

 

“Oh my God,” she can hear Sam whisper softly from across the table. Amira is just giggling.

 

Mia wants to sink into the ground.

 

She gets saved by Kiki, who walks back into the room, slamming the door behind her a little too aggressively. Her eyes look a little red, but she also seems calm and determined, more angry than upset.

 

“What happened?” Mia asks. “Are you okay?”

 

Kiki sits down next to her again, takes a couple of deep breaths and grabs a cookie from the table. “I’m fine,” she says, taking a bite out of it. “I’m perfect.”

 

They all stare at her, waiting for her to say more. She lets them wait for a bit longer, taking another bite off her cookie before she finally says, “I broke up with him.”

 

The room explodes when all of them at the same time ask their questions of “How?” and “Why?” and “What happened?”, peppered with a good amount of “Holy shit!” and “Fuck” and “Damn girl!”.

 

Kiki waits for them to calm down before she says, “well, because he’s a wanker.” It’s all she seems to want to say on the matter, and after she finishes her cookie, she takes a deep breath, puts on a determined smile, and asks, “Anyway, what did I miss?”

 

Immediately, Hanna just blurts out, “Mia and I are girlfriends now!”

 

And yup, Mia is pretty sure she won’t survive this.


	3. “That’s what Ed Sheeran said.”

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mia is really glad to spend Christmas Eve with her best friend slash crush slash new fake girlfriend, but Hanna takes things too far and everything gets out of hand way too fast, so Mia has to have a serious conversation with Hanna about some ground rules.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **IMPORTANT:** I'm currently not working on this fic and am uncertain if I will finish it. I want to be honest - the abuse apologism in this fandom heavily triggered me, the islamophobia and some "jokes" about Amira were also pretty upsetting, and I stopped watching the show and participating in the fandom. Sorry that this fic will probably stay unfinished, but that's just how it is.
> 
> Hey everyone, I hope you had nice holidays if you celebrated them, and I hope you got into the new year well! And thanks for the kudos and the lovely comments, they keep me going!
> 
> I'm really loathing the direction s2 is going currently, so I'm not quite sure if I can keep up the parallel updating alongside the new clips because I might not continue watching clip for clip (but instead maybe binge the whole thing once all the episodes are out). But don't fret, I'm not planning on abandoning this fic and I'll figure something out!
> 
> For now, here's a short chapter about Christmas Eve with Hanna and Mia, enjoy!

 

Mia isn’t wrong – she won’t survive this, at all.

 

Managing her crush on Hanna was hard enough to begin with, but now that they’re pretending to be girlfriends, it’s pretty much impossible.

 

Of course they don’t have to put up much of a show just yet – they’re not even around Axel during the holidays, and Mia already texted him that she’s with Hanna now and that he should leave her the fuck alone. He just texted back an ominous sounding “we’ll see...” and left it at that, but Mia is sure she hasn’t heard the last of him.

 

But Hanna is very enthusiastic about the whole fake dating thing. “Let’s post a picture together, for insta!” she exclaims on Christmas Eve, and she drags Mia in front of the Christmas tree, kisses her cheek and makes a selfie. When Mia sees that Hanna captions it “spending christmas with my love @mia_hollycaulfield”, she blushes furiously and has to turn away.

 

“We don’t have to oversell it,” she finally says when she trusts her voice to be steady again. “I think Kiki still doesn’t believe we’re only faking it. Why did you have to tell her we’re dating in the first place? She would have never noticed.”

 

Hanna shrugs, and doesn’t seem particularly worried about it. “Yeah, I’m sorry,” she says. “I didn’t really think about it.”

 

It makes Mia somehow angry that Hanna doesn’t care at all. This might just be a game for Hanna because there’s nothing on the line for her, but for Mia, this isn’t nothing. And not just because of her silly crush on her friend. This is about her sexuality, and about a creepy guy who won’t take no for an answer, and it’s about this big damn knot in Mia’s stomach that just won’t go away. She doesn’t mean to show her anger to Hanna, but she’s almost hissing when she says, “Clearly you weren’t thinking. We can’t even tell her the real reason! I already caused her enough pain, I don’t need her to find out her ex is still hitting on me!”

 

Hanna doesn’t seem so careless anymore. “I’m sorry,” she says, looking pale.

 

Mia immediately regrets being so mean. She takes a deep breath, then says, “We’ll figure out what to tell her together, okay?”

 

Hanna nods.

 

Then her dad yells from the kitchen for some help, and Hanna turns around, grumbling something like “I swear, if you ruined my cooking...”

 

And Mia suddenly sits alone at the table, feeling somehow awkward about the fact that she’s spending Christmas Eve with her best friend slash crush, and her best friend’s dad, and apparently also with the elephant in the room that consists of all the tension between Hanna and her dad.

 

Axel texts her to wish her a Merry Christmas, but she ignores it. He texts her again, apparently with a picture this time, but she doesn’t even look at it before she puts her phone in flight mode and shoves it in her pocket. She doesn’t even want to think about that asshole tonight, she’s got enough problems already.

 

Like the fact that Hanna has started to use endearments with her. Jokingly, obviously, but still. “ _Schatzi_ ” is definitely one of the more ridiculous ones, and it makes Mia giggle every time Hanna uses it, but there’s also “babe” and “hey, sexy,” and that’s just… a lot. Especially when Hanna winks and grins at her while saying it.

 

“More potatoes, babe?” Hanna asks when Mia’s plate is almost empty, and Mia chokes on her food, trying to hide it more or less gracefully behind her napkin. “I’m good, thanks,” she finally manages to say, and tries to give Hanna a glare to let her know she’s overdoing it again.

 

Hanna doesn’t seem to notice and smiles as brightly at her as ever. But to Mia’s horror, Hanna’s dad looks back and forth between the two of them, and finally asks, “Umm… is there something I should know about you two?”

 

It makes Hanna giggle and Mia sink deeper into her chair, wishing the ground would open up and swallow her whole. And then Hanna winks at her and says innocently, “I don’t know, dad, what do you mean?”

 

Hanna’s father seems embarrassed enough to stop prying, but Mia is sure that the damage is already done, and she’s horrified.

 

The first chance she gets after dinner, she pulls Hanna aside. “Hey, can we talk?”

 

Hanna seems surprised, suddenly insecure and quiet. “Umm, sure,” she says.

 

They go to Hanna’s room for some privacy, and although Mia desperately needs to have Hanna alone for this conversation, she hates the fact that she can feel the eyes of Hanna’s father following them.

 

As soon as the door closes behind them, Hanna turns around to Mia, a worried expression on her face. “I’m sorry, where did I mess up?” she asks, almost stumbling over her words. “I made you uncomfortable, didn’t I? I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to, I was just messing around...”

 

Mia sighs. At least Hanna knows that she shouldn’t have taken it this far. But still, the dull ache in Mia’s chest won’t go away, and she still feels slightly trapped and anxious. “Hanna,” she says, and her voice sounds so vulnerable. She hates it. To protect herself, she sits down on Hanna’s bed, grabs a throw pillow and puts it in her lap. Gives her something to hold on to, and she desperately needs that, because she’s about to say a whole bunch of scary stuff.

 

“Hanna,” she says again, and Hanna’s face softens, and she sits down on her desk chair, pulling it right opposite of Mia.

 

Mia takes another deep breath, but there’s no way around what she has to say, so she begins, “you can’t just say all these things, and wink and smile. I know you’re not serious, but this, all of this, is not something you can just turn into a joke. You can’t just, I don’t know, fake come out to your friends, or fake introduce me as your girlfriend to your dad. That’s not how it works for any of us – you do get that, don’t you? People who are actually gay, or bi, or queer, we can’t just take it back and have a good laugh about it. And it’s not fair if you do that. I only wanted to fake date in front of Axel, so he would leave me alone, but you’re turning it into this whole big joke, and it’s not right.”

 

Hanna is very quiet. She stares at her hands for a long time, not saying anything, and when she finally raises her head, her eyes seem a little red-ish, as if she’s holding back tears. She swallows hard, then eventually murmurs a soft “I’m sorry.”

 

Mia sighs. “Maybe it was a mistake,” she says, and shrugs. She should have listened to her gut feeling right away. What was she thinking? That she could play house with Hanna, exchange a few pretend kisses and whispered words, and hope that Hanna would maybe fall in love for real? Bullshit.

 

“I’m so sorry,” Hanna says again. “I just wanted to… I don’t know, see how it feels, I guess? To be in a relationship with a girl. I didn’t think about all that, I never meant – I’m sorry.”

 

And Mia feels defeated. Of course she can’t stay mad at Hanna, of course Hanna is straight and clueless and has no idea how much any of this means to anyone who isn’t straight. If anyone, Mia should blame herself. Or heteronormativity. Yeah, probably heteronormativity.

 

“It’s okay,” she mumbles, even though she doesn’t feel okay. She’s suddenly very tired, and she just wants to get this over with. “Let’s just pretend this never happened, okay?”

 

Hanna frowns. “But what about Alexander?” she asks.

 

Mia really doesn’t want to think about him, ever, but especially not now. “I’ll deal with him somehow.”

 

“I’m still here if you want my help, okay?” Hanna says, biting her lip. “I know I was a horrible fake girlfriend so far, but I’ll do better if you need me, I promise. I don’t want you to get hurt, and I’ll do everything the way you tell me, okay?” She reaches over to take Mia’s hand, but at the last moment she stops and examines Mia’s face, maybe to ask for permission. Mia takes Hanna’s hand and entangles their fingers. She feels like she needs something to hold on to right now, and while Hanna’s hand may not be the safest thing for that, it’s definitely the one that Mia wants most.

 

“I’ll think about it, okay?” Mia finally says, and Hanna nods. Hanna holds on to Mia’s hand for way longer than Mia wants to allow, but Mia doesn't have enough willpower to break the touch.

 

“It’s hard for me, you must know that,” Mia murmurs. Hanna knows about Mia’s crush, she must understand why this isn’t that simple for Mia.

 

“It’s -” Hanna begins, and she looks very serious for a moment, and for whatever reason that small moment is enough to make Mia’s chest fill with ridiculous hope out of nowhere. But then Hanna just nods and says, “I know. I’m sorry. I’ll be more careful from now on.” And then she pulls her hand away from Mia, moves back a few inches, and sighs heavily. “I never meant to tease you about it or anything, I just… I’m sorry.”

 

As much as Mia wants to, she can’t lie again and pretend she’s okay. She just really doesn’t want to get her heart broken by her straight best friend, that’d be so cliché. “We’ll think about a solution for A-hole another time, okay? For now, can you just promise me that you won’t call me baby again unless you mean it?”

 

Hanna nods, but then she starts giggling.

 

“What?” Mia asks, confused.

 

That’s when Hanna bursts into laughter. “That’s what Ed Sheeran said,” she wheezes.

 

And Mia’s heart gets a little lighter all of a sudden. She may have a crush on her best friend, but she’s not going to let it ruin her friendship, and to hell with the clichés – for now, she’s just gonna belt out Ed Sheeran’s “Dive” with Hanna, on the top of her lungs, and forget about the asshole that’s trying to ruin their lives, and be glad that she gets to spend Christmas here, because she wouldn’t want it any other way.

 

“Come on,” Hanna says eventually, “we should get back out there, dessert’s waiting.”

 

“Ooohh, dessert!” Mia chimes happily and lets Hanna pull her up from the bed.

 

Hanna grins sheepishly while she crosses her room to the door. “Besides,” she grins, “I’m pretty sure my dad thinks we’re having sex in here.”

 

“Oh fuck.” Mia covers her eyes, the embarrassment of that thought seeping deeply into her.

 

Hanna huffs out a little laugh, then says, “Don’t worry, I’ll let him know that we weren’t.”

 

And while that’s definitely a relief, Mia is somehow not sure if she’s that happy about it.


	4. "Are you two having relationship problems?”

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> On the crew's New Year's getaway (#crewwester), things go as planned for Sam and Amira, but definitely not for the rest of them. Especially for Mia who despairs over Hanna's mindless affection and doesn't know what to do with her feelings anymore. Help comes in the most unexpected way for her, and Kiki certainly deserves a medal for being an amazing friend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **IMPORTANT:** I'm currently not working on this fic and am uncertain if I will finish it. 
> 
> Heya everyone! As you might have noticed, I'm a little behind with the posting because life is happening, but I'm trying to work as much on this fic as I can. For now, here's a new chapter. After this one, I might deviate a little from the s2 storyline and the clips anyway, since Sam doesn't sext with that farmer dude in this one (she's probably too busy snogging Amira) and Amira doesn't have to go home to Pawel (Pavel? Paul? Whoever, you know), and the whole mood is generally more wholesome and much less about guys. (it's all the gay.) So, maybe these girls will stay in Heidesee a little longer, we'll see. 
> 
> Kudos and comments are always kindly appreciated, and if anyone wants to be my beta, let me know! <3

The New Year’s getaway is something they all sorely need. Kiki is determined to get over Axel as soon as she can, and Mia needs a break from him as well (he hasn’t stopped texting). Hanna is always on board when it comes to Heidesee, and Sam is extremely enthusiastic about the whole thing, especially when she hears that she gets to share a room alone with Amira – the two of them exchange secretive looks when they decide that, and Mia can’t keep herself from smiling.

 

“Okay, so the three of us,” says Hanna and gesticulates between herself, Mia, and Kiki, “will have to share the other bedroom. There’s a double and a single bed there, so...” Her eyes go back and forth between Mia and Kiki, and Mia bites her lower lip.

 

Kiki clears her throat. “Uh, would it be okay if I took the single?” she asks, a wary look towards Mia. Oh, yeah. Over the holidays, Mia almost forgot that Kiki is still mad at her. She wouldn’t want to share a bed with Kiki either under these circumstances. But sharing a bed with Hanna…

 

Hanna turns to Mia, her eyes questioning and sincere. “Is that okay?” she asks.

 

Mia sighs. “Sure.” Even though she only half means it.

 

But the way Hanna smiles at her, squeals happily and hugs her, lets her forget all her worries. At least for the moment.

 

“Hashtag Crewwester!” Sam shouts and gets in on the hug, pulling Kiki and Amira in with her. Sam is always reliable when it comes to group hugs. They all giggle and shout and hug each other, and Mia really begins to think that her worries were for nothing, and that everything is going back to normal now.

 

And the evening goes awesomely, with yummy food that even Kiki eats after Mia explains to her how good it is for her health and her skin, with lots of alcohol and silly party games and more giggling and hugging, and by the time midnight draws close and they huddle together by the lake, waiting for the new year to come, Mia feels like they’re all on top of the world.

 

Sam and Amira stand arm in arm, and they look so ridiculously happy that it makes Mia’s heart want to burst. The two girls have shared various kinds of physical affection all night, and while Sam had tried to hide it more at the beginning of the evening, she’s completely careless now, pulling Amira close ever so often to kiss her cheek or hug her tight. Whenever Mia catches Amira’s eyes, Amira beams at her brightly, and Mia gives her a big smile and a thumbs up. Sure, maybe there’s a bit of jealousy there, that things seem so easy between Amira and Sam, while they’re complicated and completely hopeless for Mia and Hanna, but mostly, Mia is just happy for those two. If anyone deserves to be lucky in love, it’s definitely Amira. And Sam, well, she’s the luckiest of all, because Amira is definitely the biggest catch.

 

Seeing these two almost lets Mia forget her own worries and love troubles, but just two minutes before midnight, everything begins to fall apart.

 

Mia gives a speech, about the year they’ve had together, the year they’ve met, and somehow it ends up being about their bright futures – Amira for Bundeskanzlerin, Sam as a future fashion designer, Kiki’s future success as an influencer, and Hanna…

 

“Unemployed,” Hanna interrupts her and grins.

 

And Mia grins back, of course she does because Hanna’s smile is contagious and Mia can’t not smile whenever she sees it, but also her heart sinks for two reasons: For one, because Hanna still thinks so little of herself that she can’t even imagine achieving anything in the future, and also, because Mia suddenly thinks of Hanna’s future as something Mia might not be a part of. And that thought alone breaks her heart, and so she wraps up her speech in a hurry and lets Kiki take over.

 

Kiki rambles on about how much they all mean to her, and how much she trusts all of them, and how she knows they all have her back. “Amira, Hanna, Sam… and Mia.”

 

And Mia tries to smile at Kiki, she tries so hard because she knows this is big, coming from Kiki at the moment. It might even mean that Kiki has forgiven her, even though that could just be drunk talking, but anyway, it’s special and meaningful, and Mia hates herself because all she can think about is Hanna, and how they might never see each other again after their Abitur. Fuck.

 

Suddenly it’s midnight, and Amira and Kiki light some sparklers, and Mia tries hard to return to the present – and then she feels two cold hands grabbing the collar of her coat, and she turns around to see Hanna pull her close, and Hanna smiles at her, whispers “Happy New Year!”, and then she kisses her. On the lips. Right there, in front of all of their friends.

 

Mia’s head starts spinning, and it’s not from the vodka shots. And she’s just about to go into panic mode when Hanna lets go of her, turns around and kisses Amira as well, and then Kiki and Sam. And then they all exchange hugs and kisses, and they light some more sparklers and open a bottle of champaign, and Mia shakes her head and reminds herself that this is what it’s like to be friends with straight girls. They don’t worry about these things because it doesn’t matter to them. They just do stuff like that because it means nothing.

 

Mia wants to be upset, just angry or sad or both, but she also knows she shouldn’t be. She shouldn’t blame Hanna for doing these things, just because Mia can’t keep her feelings in check. If anyone, she should blame herself for getting her hopes up over and over again.

 

But then again, maybe not. Maybe Hanna should know better, because they’ve talked about this just a week ago, and they’ve talked about it before, and Mia is sick of feeling guilty for her feelings.

 

She’s conflicted, and she’s getting too overwhelmed, so after a few minutes of celebrating the new year, she excuses herself and walks away. Just to clear her head a little, just to walk a few steps and get some quiet alone time.

 

There’s a small path around the lake that’s barely lit by a few sparse street lamps, but the moon is bright enough for her to see where she’s going, and she’s not going anywhere in particular anyway, so it doesn’t matter.

 

It feels good. The cold air, the darkness around her, the small, calming waves on the lakefront always to her left… it all grounds her. Mia reminds herself to breathe, allows herself to feel upset, because that’s something her therapist once taught her: that feelings demand to be felt. That they deserve space, even the bad ones. And if she’s angry at Hanna, she’s allowed to be angry, and if she’s sad and feeling lonely, she’s allowed to be that, and she can get over it, but not before she has let herself feel it all.

 

She’s so deep in thought that she doesn’t hear the steps behind her until a voice shouts softly, “Mia, wait!”

 

Mia flinches and turns around, and she’s surprised to see that Kiki has caught up to her.

 

“Hey,” Mia says and tries for a smile. She’s glad to see that Kiki smiles back.

 

“Hey,” Kiki replies and falls in step next to her. “Is it okay if I join you for a bit?”

 

A few minutes ago, Mia would have probably said no, but now she realizes she’s glad about the company. She nods, and for a few minutes they walk in silence.

 

Then, Kiki suddenly stops. “I have decided,” she says with a determination that surprises Mia, “that I will forgive you for going behind my back with Alexander.”

 

“Oh.” Mia nods and buries her hands in her coat pockets. That’s not the right response, she knows, but she doesn’t know what else to say. She already apologized too many times, she feels like it’s lost its meaning by now.

 

Kiki doesn’t wait for Mia to say more anyway, she continues, “I mean, I’m still mad, but I also know that you meant well. You tried to tell me that he was an asshole and that he never cared about me, but I didn’t listen. You were just trying to protect me, I guess, and there would have been a better way probably, but anyway. I’m rid of him now, that’s all that matters. So… truce?”

 

Mia nods, and immediately, Kiki pulls her into a hug. Okay, Kiki is definitely a little drunk. Mia just hopes that it’s not so much that Kiki will regret forgiving her in the morning.

 

“Can you come back to the house with me then? I’m freezing, and Sam wants to play some drinking game, it’ll be more fun with all of us.” Kiki is already turning around back towards the house, but Mia shakes her head.

 

“I’d like to walk for a little longer,” Mia explains, not really in the mood for more drinking.

 

“Oh,” Kiki says. She gives Mia a thoughtful look, then she carefully asks, “Is there something else on your mind? I thought this thing with Alexander was why you were so, I don’t know, quiet. What’s going on?”

 

Mia sighs. “It’s...” she wants to say ‘nothing’, because talking to Amira about girl crushes is one thing, but talking to Kiki (who’s just as straight as they come) is a whole other thing. But Kiki looks so sincerely interested and worried that Mia decides to tell the truth instead. “It’s Hanna.”

 

“Oh,” Kiki says again. “Are you… are you two having… relationship problems?”

 

Mia laughs awkwardly and way too loud. “No Kiki,” she huffs, “I told you, we’re not really dating, Hanna was just messing with you.”

 

Kiki purses her lips and frowns, but nods. “Sure,” she says. It still sounds like she doesn’t believe Mia.

 

Mia can’t blame her. “But see, that’s exactly the problem!” she says, surprising herself with how angry she sounds. “She keeps on doing these things that seem so – so romantic?! I mean I know she’s straight, but – and then she kisses me and calls me babe, and it’s just, UGH. It’s so frustrating.”

 

Mia catches herself pacing up and down the path, like a trapped animal, so she forces herself to stand still and turn towards Kiki again instead.

 

And Kiki looks bewildered and completely out of her depth, so Mia gives her a lot credit for trying to give a good answer anyway. “Well...” Kiki begins slowly, apparently searching for anything useful to say. “I’m sure she doesn’t mean it.” She makes it sound more like a question than a statement.

 

“I know,” Mia sighs. “And that’s the whole fucking problem.”

 

Kiki stares at her, her eyes wide. “Oh shit,” she mumbles. “Oh shit, I forgot about, well, that. I’m sorry, Mia.”

 

Mia shrugs.

 

“Do you… maybe you should talk to Hanna?” Kiki suggests.

 

“I did,” Mia says. “She doesn’t get it.” It makes her feel so hopeless and small to think about it.

 

“Hmm,” Kiki says. “Should I talk to her?”

 

That makes Mia smile; Kiki seems so genuine, and Mia appreciates that a lot. She still remembers well how weird Kiki got when Amira came out to them, and how big of a deal it was at first for Kiki that Mia was bi. It means a lot that Kiki is trying so hard. But Mia shakes her head anyway. “That’s really nice, thanks, but I’d rather keep this between Hanna and me.”

 

“Sure,” Kiki nods. She looks a little lost now, and Mia takes pity.

 

“Come on,” she says, and offers her arm to Kiki, “let’s go back to the others before we freeze our asses off out here.”

 

Kiki nods, tucks her arm into Mia’s, and they walk back together in comfortable silence.

 

Only when they’re almost at the house, where they can see the other three back inside through a window, Kiki stops suddenly. “Oh crap,” she says and stares at Mia. “And I forced you to share a bed with her!”

 

Mia shrugs. “It’s not a big deal. I’ll survive.”

 

But Kiki shakes her head decidedly. “No way. That was shitty of me. You can have the single bed. Or we can share the double together!”

 

“Is that really okay for you?” Mia frowns. Sure, she’s still uncomfortable about the thought of sharing a bed with Hanna, but she also doesn’t want to put Kiki’s re-found friendship feelings to the test. What if Kiki woke up the next day next to Mia and regretted ever forgiving her?

 

But Kiki seems determined. “Yes, absolutely. You protected me from my bad romance, so it’s only fair if I protect you from yours.”

 

Mia tries not to cringe about the comparison, but overall, she’s just thankful. Kiki is a better friend than her, definitely. Mia makes a promise to herself to make this up to Kiki somehow, then she nods, smiles, and says, “Speaking of bad romances, how about we get inside now, put on some Gaga and start a little dance party?”

 

She doesn’t need to say the words ‘dance party’ twice – Kiki is already yelling excitedly and pulling her inside.


	5. “We’re gonna share that bed tonight though, okay?”

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The girls spend a relaxing day at Heidesee, and Mia realizes that her time with this crew is one of the best parts of her life so far. But while everything is going pretty great in terms of friendship, and while Amira and Sam are basically on cloud nine, Mia is still struggling with her feelings for Hanna...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **IMPORTANT:** I'm currently not working on this fic and am uncertain if I will finish it.
> 
> Hey. Everyone who frequents my AO3 profile can see that I'm really bad at finishing anything that's longer than a oneshot. I feel incredibly guilty about that and I'm really sorry that I constantly keep you folks hanging, it's not cool. (It's the ADHD. Makes it tough to finish things.) I did feel like returning to these girls though, and I have this one and another chapter already done so I thought I might at least give you those and try to see if I can get some more done and maybe even finish a thing for once. S2 was really a problem for me, but I still love these girls a lot, and I was thinking it might be nice to return to them now, with an Amira season coming up. (CAN U BELIEVE??!!? I'm so excited about that!!)
> 
> If y'all desperately want more, let me know in the comments, or find me on tumblr at [thealpacalypse](https://thealpacalypse.tumblr.com). Love y'all lots, have fun!

When Mia wakes up the next morning, she just lies there and breathes for a few moments. Her body feels heavy, especially her head, but overall, her hangover could be worse. She listens to the silence of the house for a while – everybody seems to be asleep, the only noises are Kiki’s soft snoring and some birds outside. It’s calming.

 

Quietly, Mia sits up and grabs her socks and sweater from the floor. She looks across the room to the double bed where both Hanna and Kiki are lying on their bellies, faces buried in their pillows. Mia tries not to think too much about how she wishes she could have woken up next to Hanna – it’s a useless thought anyway, and it hurts. It’s better the way it is.

 

She gets up as quietly as she can and takes a quick, hot shower. Then she goes downstairs to make some tea, and because the morning is nice and the sun is out, she grabs her coat and takes her tea out to the front porch. For a while, she just sits there, watches the water, and warms her fingers on her mug.

 

She doesn’t know how much time has passed when the door next to her opens and Hanna steps out.

 

Hanna is wrapped into a blanket, her hair is tousled, and she yawns loudly and stretches. “How on earth do you look so awake and nice already?” She sits down on the bench next to Mia and leans her head against the wall behind her, closing her eyes.

 

Mia smiles. “The tea and the hot shower helped.”

 

Hanna opens one eye to look at Mia, inspects the mug in her hand, and then mumbles, “tea?”

 

It makes Mia laugh. “There’s more in the kitchen. I made a whole thermos.”

 

“Nice,” Hanna sighs contentedly. “I’ll get some in a minute. Too tired to get up.” Then, without opening her eyes, she adds, “you changed beds with Kiki.”

 

Mia swallows; she doesn’t know what to say to that.

 

But Hanna keeps on pushing. “I mean, it’s fine, it’s – whatever. I was just confused when I went to bed last night, that’s all. I thought you wanted to share the double bed with me.”

 

There’s really no way to explain to Hanna that Mia _wanting_ to share that bed is not the same as actually going through with it. Hanna wouldn’t get it – she didn’t get all the other ways Mia tried to explain to her why these things are painful. So Mia just shrugs and says, “Kiki just fell asleep there, so I thought it would be easiest if I took the single bed.”

 

“Oh, okay.” Hanna is quiet for a few moments. Then she takes a few deep breaths and gets up. “Alright, I’m gonna get myself some tea.” She pulls her blanket around herself like a cape, opens the cabin door, then looks over her shoulder at Mia. “We’re gonna share that bed tonight though, okay?” she asks. There’s this look in her eyes that makes Mia feel weak and insecure, like that question is a test.

 

“Sure.”

 

Hanna beams at her, then walks inside.

 

And Mia sighs and tries to get it together. It’s no big deal. It doesn’t mean anything.

 

The morning is slow, and Mia spends it mostly with preparing a big breakfast and skimming through some of the books on the cupboards. It’s mostly old, cheesy romance novels, but there’s some classics there, and eventually she sits down with a copy of _Little Women_ and reads for an hour or so. Hanna takes her time in the bathroom, and Mia doesn’t see her again until Kiki is already up as well. The three of them share a quiet breakfast together, now and then groaning about their hangovers and how tired they are. When Sam and Amira finally get up as well, it’s almost noon.

 

“What a party, you guys,” Sam groans and takes her aspirin with a few gulps of orange juice. “Babe, can you pass me the peanut butter?” she asks, and Amira passes her the tub without looking up from her phone.

 

Mia looks back and forth between Sam and Amira, then exchanges a look with Hanna who seems just as amused and curious. Kiki, as always, doesn’t seem to notice anything.

 

Eventually, Hanna bursts out giggling and says, “Alright you two, I can’t take it anymore, out with it! What’s happening between the two of you?”

 

Amira and Sam both look at her, grinning sheepishly.

 

“What?” Kiki seems confused.

 

“Uhh,” Sam begins, exchanging a quick look with Amira.

 

Amira smirks. “I don’t know what you mean?” making her voice sound sweet and innocent. Then she catches Mia’s look and bites her lips.

 

“Amira,” Mia says, trying to read her friend’s expression.

 

But it’s Sam who suddenly blurts out “Alright, alright! We’re dating!”

 

Amira beams at Mia who beams right back at her. Hanna whoops and cheers. Sam giggles and hides her face. And Kiki almost drops her phone.

 

“What?!” she asks, barely holding onto it and then putting it in her lap. “Is this another joke, like with Mia and Hanna?”

 

That makes Sam giggle even more, and she shakes her head.

 

“No, Kiki,” Amira smiles patiently. “This is very real.”

 

“Oh my God,” Kiki mumbles. Her face goes through a series of rapidly changing emotions, from surprise to confusion, to skepticism, to joy, and eventually, she just says “Oh my God” again, gets up and hugs first Sam, and then Amira.

 

“Congrats, you guys!” Hanna cheers and raises her mug to the two of them.

 

Mia can’t stop grinning. She hopes she will never forget this moment: Sam’s giddiness and joy, Kiki, hugging Sam so hard she almost falls out of her chair, Hanna with her whooping and hollering, and Amira. Amira, who locks eyes with Mia again, the fondest expression in her face, looking so wildly happy that Mia feels like she might cry from happiness. This is her crew, and she loves them, and this is what she wants to remember them by.

 

They clean up the kitchen together, then play some board games and talk and listen to music. It’s a good day, with many simple joys, and at around 10 pm, Mia feels like it’s all ruined when she looks at her phone for the first time that day and she has three more texts from Axel.

 

“Yikes,” she blurts out before she can stop herself, and Kiki who’s sitting on the couch next to her with her head on Sam’s shoulder looks up and asks, “What’s up?”

 

Mia feels immediately guilty. Bad enough that Axel ruined her mood – there’s no way she’s going to let him ruin the evening for Kiki and the others as well. “Nothing,” she quickly says and presses her phone against her chest.

 

Kiki’s expression gets serious and she moves closer to Mia. “It’s Alexander, right?”

 

Well, no point in denying it now. “Yeah,” Mia sighs. “How did you know?”

 

Kiki shrugs. “I mean, you showed me those texts he sent you. And he also asked me a couple of times if you’re really a lesbian, so I figured he’s still trying to, you know, win you over or whatever.”

 

Mia grimaces. “Kiki, I’m so sorry...”

 

“Whatever, it’s fine.” Kiki shrugs again. “I’m over him. Well, I’m not over him, but I will be. He’s a dick.”

 

“Wait,” Amira says, “he asked you about Mia?”

 

Kiki nods.

 

“Wow, that guy gets worse and worse.”

 

Mia can’t help it; she has to ask. “What did you tell him though?” She hates how paranoid Axel makes her.

 

Kiki frowns. “I told him it’s none of his business. Then I blocked him.”

 

Mia sighs in relief. Then, it suddenly hits her – she should block him, too. No idea how that hasn’t occurred to her before. “Hold on,” she tells the girls, unlocks her phone and deletes all of Axel’s texts without even reading the latest ones. Then she blocks his number, and she blocks him on Facebook as well. “Wow, that feels fucking great.” Like she can finally breathe again.

 

Kiki hugs her, and Mia holds onto her friend for a long moment. It feels like they both need this hug.

 

It also feels like they’re truly friends again now.

 

By the time they’re all going to bed, Mia has completely forgotten about the whole situation with the beds. Until she’s brushing her teeth in front of the bathroom mirror and Hanna suddenly hugs her from behind. “Don’t forget, you’re sleeping with me tonight.” She says, then smiles at Mia through the mirror.

 

Brushing her teeth with Hanna clinging to her isn’t that easy, and Mia tries to ignore the fact that Hanna’s whole upper body is pressed against her own back. It’s too distracting. Also, what the hell is Hanna’s deal with those beds?

 

Only when Mia leans forward to rinse her mouth, Hanna lets go of her.

 

Mia wants to ask why it’s so important to Hanna that they share a bed. She wants to tell her that she’d much rather sleep in the single bed again. She wants to remind Hanna again how all of this affects her, no matter how much Hanna thinks it doesn’t mean anything. She can’t. All she can think of is falling asleep next to Hanna, and waking up beside her, and that one Brandi Carlile song that describes the longing in her chest so perfectly, the one she feels every time she sees Hanna smile.

 

“I’ll be right there,” she just says, and there it is, Hanna’s perfect smile, all dimples and glinting eyes.

 

She spends the next five minutes trying to calm down from that and getting her shit together.

 

Kiki is still downstairs in the kitchen, listening to music with Sam and Amira, so it’s just Hanna and Mia in the bedroom. Hanna is already in bed, lying on her side and scrolling through her instagram feed.

 

Mia feels so self-aware, climbing into bed next to her. She grabs her own phone, for lack of a better thing to do, and for a moment, a feeling of dread creeps up on her – she’s half expecting more messages from Axel. But then she remembers that she blocked him, and she exhales.

 

They lie there in silence for a while, and Mia tries not to feel weird. Girls share beds all the time, it’s fine. And it shouldn’t be any less okay just because she’s into girls – or even into this particular girl she’s sharing a bed with. She can do this.

 

Eventually, she puts her phone away and closes her eyes. It was a long day, she’s tired, and sleep is going to come easily, she can feel it.

 

“Should I turn of the light?” Hanna asks, and she already moves on her side of the bed to turn it off.

 

Mia doesn’t open her eyes. “Only if you don’t need it anymore. It doesn’t bother me.”

 

The room turns dark, Mia doesn’t even have to open her eyes to see it. “Good night,” she mumbles and turns to her side, her back to Hanna.

 

“Good night.”

 

It’s quiet for a long time. Mia can hear Hanna’s steady breathing and the quiet music from downstairs, and it’s somehow calming.

 

She’s already almost asleep by the time Hanna whispers, “I’m so glad we’re all here.”

 

Mia nods, then mumbles, “Yeah, me too.” She thinks of earlier, that happy moment when they all hugged and cheered for Sam and Amira. She’s pretty sure this is one of the best parts of her life so far.

 

Then, Hanna asks, “You’re not still mad at me, are you?”

 

Mia wants to turn around to look at Hanna, but she also doesn’t want that. She can’t look Hanna in the eyes; this moment seems too vulnerable. “Why would I be mad at you?”

 

“I don’t know. Because you didn’t share the bed with me the other night.”

 

Mia sighs. “No. I’m not mad at you.”

 

She can hear Hanna exhale. “Okay, good. I’m glad.”

 

There’s another long moment of silence, then Hanna adds, “I would hate for you to be mad at me. I like you too much for that.”

 

By the time Mia has recovered from that, Hanna is fast asleep.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Here we go, I hope you enjoyed so far! Feel free to ramble to me about wholesome wlws on my [tumblr](http://thealpacalypse.tumblr.com/). <3 
> 
> Also, I kinda need a beta for this fic, and I'm always happy to hear your headcanons and/or suggestions about where this fic could be going, so feel free to reach out in the comments or via DM!


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